It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
