thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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