just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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