that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
