It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize