i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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