I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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