Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
