Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
