I bet he comes in French.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
