finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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