Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
