He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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