Only a mothe r could love this liver
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
