sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
