the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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