Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
