remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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