I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
