Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
