So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
