I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize