Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
