So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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