i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
