Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
