I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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