A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
