Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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