WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
