he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
