she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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