halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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