Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
