There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize