When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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