I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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