dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
PANTIES FOUND
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
