Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
