you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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