Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
