..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
