Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
