I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
