hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
