Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
