I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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