Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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