I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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