Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
