oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
