What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
