I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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