did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
