great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
