Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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