what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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