I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize