WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Pooping to opera.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
