When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
