He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
