i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
