i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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