Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
