Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
