Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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