Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
