whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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