my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
