the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
